2019 has come a gone but as it passed I experienced another big move this time from one side of the country to another with some big changes in many ways that I am still getting a handle on. I am still trying to find my place in this new area, but I have loved getting to know these new surroundings, even if we will only will be here for short time. I am extremely thankful that I get the chance to get to know my partner’s family and seeing more and more that age is just a number. I launched my Yoga Youtube Channel “Yoga with Josh,” yes the other one still exists but I haven’t done anything with it. My mom told me I swore too much on it…
2019 brought some ends as well, I had to say good bye to my Dad, which is struggle as I am reminded from time to time that he isn’t a phone call away. And with his death I am still grappling with the regret I feel surrounding his death, but that is something I have to live with. He is never too far away from my thoughts and neither is my step mom, Penny. I am forever thankful for what she and my step siblings did to take care of him up until the end. 2019 also took my step brother Kyle. We were not close but he always made me feel like I was welcome and wanted me around, though I always thought I was so inferior to him and the rest of my step siblings, so I tried to hide away.
The loss of my Dad and Kyle has really got me thinking a lot about my family and my friends and how precious the people are around you, so in 2020 I want to try to reconnect to all the amazing people in my life far and wide. Angie (mysocalledchaos.com), my best friend, got me hooked on choosing a word to focus on for the year, last year my word was “Celebrate”, this year I want to focus on “intention” I want to use it more as a question so I continually ask myself “What is the intention for this action?” So often we just do things without thinking and for 2020 I want to stay present in my actions so I focus on what I really want and need instead of just distracting myself from life and only doing what I think I should do or what someone else wants and ignoring mine.
In the spirit of my 2020 focus my intention for this post is to reflect a little on the year, even if it wasn’t in great detail, and to hopefully start a new practice of writing more. I used to write a lot but I haven’t so much after my masters. So I am going to work on writing more so I can really dig into things and hopefully process my trauma a little better and get my creative juices flowing.
Josh Clendenin 