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I have been ruminating on the idea of being ‘complete’ and being ‘done’ and what I mean by ‘done’ is that space where you feel ok in your own skin, feel solid, and know all the things. Because here I am at the age of 38 and I feel far from that… I still feel in many ways as I did when I was a teenager. I have been waiting for that moment when I would feel like an adult and know what to do and have the wisdom to do almost everything and not be held back by my anxiety of not knowing how to do things.

I was prompted to write this by the randomness of a Spotify Daily Mix, and the song Incomplete by Alanis Morissette came on. This song speaks to this very subject of running toward this imaginary finish line where we will all be good and know all, and the song comes to the conclusion that we are never done, so we need to just embrace this incompleteness.

And to that idea of ever incompleteness, I am spending a lot of time with people in there 60s and 70s and in their wisened years I have seen that they are still plagued with incompleteness, and that’s ok. I can see that these people are still battling their daemons, just as us on the younger side are doing. The idea of that continual battle could lead us to a sense of despair, but I don’t necessarily think that is the case. Yah, I would love to finally beat my depression and anxiety, but the likeliness of that, is not going to happen. Yes, I have gotten to a point that I can notice when my nasties are rearing their collective heads, Facebook usually helps to bring them out on parade, and through that noticing them I can start to calm them and ask them what’s going on, and mitigate their attack.

What we can learn from our older counterparts is that we can learn to manage and deal with our daemons and maybe start to make the daemons work for us. I can see these sages around me being tripped up by their pasts in the same we all are, but they have had the time to develop strategies to manage the incompleteness, sometimes those strategies are not the most healthy in my eyes, but they are a way of managing none the less. So let this song and the lessons from our elders be a reminder that where you are is just fine as long as you just keep moving forward in some way.

2019 has come a gone but as it passed I experienced another big move this time from one side of the country to another with some big changes in many ways that I am still getting a handle on. I am still trying to find my place in this new area, but I have loved getting to know these new surroundings, even if we will only will be here for short time. I am extremely thankful that I get the chance to get to know my partner’s family and seeing more and more that age is just a number. I launched my Yoga Youtube Channel “Yoga with Josh,” yes the other one still exists but I haven’t done anything with it. My mom told me I swore too much on it… 

2019 brought some ends as well, I had to say good bye to my Dad, which is struggle as I am reminded from time to time that he isn’t a phone call away. And with his death I am still grappling with the regret I feel surrounding his death, but that is something I have to live with. He is never too far away from my thoughts and neither is my step mom, Penny. I am forever thankful for what she and my step siblings did to take care of him up until the end. 2019 also took my step brother Kyle. We were not close but he always made me feel like I was welcome and wanted me around, though I always thought I was so inferior to him and the rest of my step siblings, so I tried to hide away. 

The loss of my Dad and Kyle has really got me thinking a lot about my family and my friends and how precious the people are around you, so in 2020 I want to try to reconnect to all the amazing people in my life far and wide. Angie (mysocalledchaos.com), my best friend, got me hooked on choosing a word to focus on for the year, last year my word was “Celebrate”, this year I want to focus on “intention” I want to use it more as a question so I continually ask myself “What is the intention for this action?” So often we just do things without thinking and for 2020 I want to stay present in my actions so I focus on what I really want and need instead of just distracting myself from life and only doing what I think I should do or what someone else wants and ignoring mine. 

In the spirit of my 2020 focus my intention for this post is to reflect a little on the year, even if it wasn’t in great detail, and to hopefully start a new practice of writing more. I used to write a lot but I haven’t so much after my masters. So I am going to work on writing more so I can really dig into things and hopefully process my trauma a little better and get my creative juices flowing.           

Rest your hands on your hips. 

Feel your feet on the ground. 

Allow your muscles of your feet melt into the earth.

Root down into ground drawing up strength and power for the battle ahead. 

Ground into your right foot and find stability in your rooted foot to the earth. 

Like a tree grows a new branch slowly grow your left foot toward the back of the room taking your time to bring it to the perfect space for you. 

When the left foot connects to the earth allow it to track the direction of the left knee and connect the pinky toe to the earth just like your right foot. 

Bend the right knee with strength and find a 90 degree angle. 

Anchor your belly button to your spine. 

Now grow your right arm in front and your left arm behind you. 

Ground the shoulder blades down the spine and engage your arms. 

Your focus jumps out over your right finger to meet any challenge in front of you. 

Virabhadra II (Warrior 2) is a foundational pose in yoga and has a lot to teach us about life and how to deal with it. The story of the Virabhadra II comes from the ancient Indian spiritual text, the Bhagavad Gita. This text it tells the story of Arjuna, who is a prince and his social duty or dharma requires him to fight in a war. But Arjuna does not want to fight, so he asks for guidance from the god Krishna, Krishna prescribes some yoga to help. The yoga described in the text are yogic ideas that are rarely explored in your standard yoga class, these ideas are Jnana (learning),  Karma (being of service), and Bhakti (devotion or dedication).  So Virabhadra II depicts Arjuna’s struggle between his conscience and his dharma.  

I felt inspired by this pose and thus this flow by seeing all the amazing activists in the world standing up for so many amazing and powerful causes. Seeing the amazing activist and actor Jane Fonda, the amazing Greta Thunberg, and the Indigenous Canadian water activist Autumn Peltier these powerful warriors bring awareness to the climate crisis. And we cannot forget all of the equally powerful and amazing climate activists, water protectors, and ‘just’ people, who are fighting every day to make our world safe for everyone. These three women are standing up to some huge challenges and I hope this single little yoga practice and they will help to inspire you and give you strength to take on your challenges in life and sometimes all we can do to make a change in our world is show up on the mat and make our selves healthier, stronger, kinder and more peaceful. The amazing thing about peace and kindness is its infectious, so spread it around. 

And don’t forget to breathe.     

Check out the video connected to this post! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMrQzFnkjAs

Translated and performed by Jemima Balbastro

Isinalin at ginanap sa pamamagitan ni Jemima Balbastro

Speak White

Kay ganda ng tunog tuwing ikaw Ay nagsaslita tungkol sa Paradise Lost

At sa mga magaling na kwento na kumikibo Doon sa sonnets ni Shakespeare.

Kami ay isang lahi walang cultura Ngunit kami ay hindi bingi sa kakayahan ng isang wika

Makipag-usap tayo gamit ang tuldik ni Milton ni Byron ni Shelley at ni Keats

Speak White

At ipatawad mo ang aming tanging sagot Dahil ang boses namin na mana sa aming ninuno ay paos At malungkot, tulad ni Nelligan

Speak White

Mag-usap tayo tungkol sa mga ito at iyan Sabihin mo sa akin tungkol sa Magna Carta

O tungkol sa Lincoln Ang kulay abo na alindog ng Thames Ang kulay rosas na tubig ng Potomac

Sabihin mo sa akin tungkol sa inyong mga tradisyon Bilang isang tao hindi naman kami talagang matalino

Ngunit kami ay lubos ng pagsasalamat Sa kahalagahan ng crumpets O ng Boston Tea Party

Pero kapag ikaw ay talagang nagsalita tulad ng mga puti Kapag isineryoso nyo ito

Dapat magusap tayo tungkol sa mapagmahal ng buhay Magusap tayo tungkol sa ating istado

At ng Great City natin Lakas pa!

Speak white.

Itaas nyo ang iyong mga boses

Mahina ang pandinig namin Masyado kaming malapit nakatira sa mga machina

Kaya naririnig lang namin an gaming paghinga sa ibabaw ng tunog ng aming tools

Speak white and loud

Upang kayo ay maaari naming marinig Mula Luzon hanggang Mindanao

Gamit ang isang kahanga-hangang dila Para mag-hire

Mag bigay ng mga order Para ipili ang horas ng trabaho para pagudin kami hanggang aming kamatayan

Papahingain nyo lang kami Upang palakasin ang Pesos

Speak White

Sabihin mo samin tungkol sa galling ng iyong Diyos

At kung paano kami ay binayaran para tiwalain siya

Speak White

Magsalita tayo  tungkol sa kita ng produksyon at mga porsyento

Speak White

Ito ay isang mayaman na wika para sa pagbili Pero para sa pagbebenta

para sa pagbebenta ng iyong kaluluwa para sa pagbebenta ng iyong integridad

Ah! Speak White

Big Deal

Ngunit upang sabihin sa inyo tungkolSa kawalang-hanggan ng isang araw sa panahon ng rebolusyon

Upang sabihin Kung paano ang isang lahi puno ng naglilingkod mabuhay

Upang bumalik sa bahay na gabi na Sa oras na ang araw ay mawala mismo sa likod ng mga kalye

Ngunit upang sabihin sa iyo na Oo ang araw ay lumulubog na Oo

Araw-araw and aming buhay ay nasa silangan ng iyong mga emperyo

Wala tumutugma sa wika ng Sumusumpang salita Sa parlure naming di naman talagang malinis

Malangis at marumi

Speak White

Madaliin mo ang iyong salita Kami ay isang lahi na pinapanatilihi ang galit

Para sa pagkakaroon ng isang monopolyo Sa pagkokorekt ng wika

Speak White

Gamit ang malambot na dila ni Shakespeare Gamit ang accent ni Longfellow

Magsalita gamit ang English na malinis at pinaka puti Tulad ng sa Amerika, tulad ng sa England

Magsalita ka ng walang mali na German Ang isang dilaw na bituin sa pagitan ng iyong mga ngipin

Magsalita ka ng Russian magsalita ka « call to order » magsalita ka para magpigil

Speak White

Ito ay isang unibersal na wika Kami ay ipinanganak upang maunawaan ito

Sa pamamagitan ng kanyang mga salita puno ng teargas

Sa pamamagitan ng kanyang mga salita gamit ang nightstick

Speak White

Sabihin sa amin muli tungkol sa Freedom at demokrasya

Alam natin na ang kalayaan ay isang salitang itim

Tulad ng kahirapan, ito ay itim Tulad sa dugo halo-halo ng alikabok sa mga kalye ng Algiers

Ah Little Rock

Speak White

Mula Westminster sa Washington Magsalita gaya ng mga puti tulad ng ginagawa nila sa Wall Street

Puti tulad ng ginagawa nila sa Watts Dapat sibilisado

Pagunawaan nyo kami kapag nagsasalita kami ng aming kalagayan

Kapag humingi ka sa amin gumalang ka Kamusta ka

Rinig namin ang sinasabi nyo okay Kami okay talaga Kami Ay hindi nag-iisa

Alam nami Na hindi kami nag-iisa

Translated and performed by Daunia Del Ben

Tradotto ed interpretato da Daunia Del Ben

Speak White!

E’ cosi bello sentirvi parlare del Paradiso Perduto

O del tratto grazioso ed anonimo che vibra nei sonetti di Shakespeare

Noi siamo un popolo incolto e bigotto Ma non siamo sordi di fronte al genio di una lingua

Parlate con l’accento di Milton, Byron e Shelly e Keats

Speak White!

E perdonateci di non aver potuto rispondere Che con I canti rochi dei nostril antenati

E il dolore di Nelligan

Speak White!

Parlateci di cose o di altri Parlatici della Magna Carta

O del monument a Linconln Del fascino grigio del Tamigi

O dell’acqua rosa del Potomac Parlateci delle vostre tradizioni

Noi siamo un popolo poco brillante Ma in grado di apprezzare

Tutta l’importanza dei tramezzini O del Boston Tea Party

Ma quando voi realmente Speak white Quando scendete in basso fino ai chiodi d’ottone

Per parlare del grazioso vivere E parlare degli standard di vita

E della Grande Societa’ Un po’ piu’ forte allora speake white

Fregatevene della voce dei capi Noi siamo un popolo di orecchie

Viviamo troppo vicino alle machine E non sentiamo che il nostro soffio sopra questi oggetti

Speak White and Loud!

Tell us that God is a great big shot And that we are paid to trust him

Speak White!

Parlateci di produzione, profitto e percentuali

Speak White!

E’ una lingua ricca Per comprare Ma per vendersi Ma per vendersi a Perdita d’animo

Ma per vendersi

Ah Speak White!

Big deal Ma per dirvi

dell’eternita’ di un giorno di tomba per raccontare

una via di un popolo apri-porta ma per rincasare la sera

all’ora in cui il sole se ne va a morire sotto le strade ma per dirvi si che il sole tramonta si

ogni giorno della nostra vista all’est del Vostro impero

niente batte una lingua che giura il nostro linguaggio non e’troppo pulita

macchiata dal fango e dall’olio

Speak White!

Siate a Vostro agio nelle vostre parole Noi siamo un popolo di rancorosi

Ma non incolpiamo nessuno Di avere il monopolio Della correzione della lingua

Nella lingua dolce di Shakespeare Con l’accento di Lognfellow

Parlate un francese puro e atrocemente bianco Come in Viet-Nam, in Congo

Parlate un tedesco impeccabile Una stella gialla in mezzo ai denti

Parlate russo, parlate per riportare all’ordine, parlate repression

Speak White!

E’ una lingua universale Noi non siamo nati per comprenderla

Con le sue parole a lacrimogeniCon le sue parole a manganelli

Speak White!

Tell us about freedom and democracy Sappiamo che la liberta’ e’ una parola scura

Come la miseria e’ negra

O come il sangue si mescola alla polvere nelle vie d’Algeri o di Little Rock

Speak White!

Da Westminster a Washington, fidatevi! Speak White come a Wall Street

White come a Watts Siate civilizzati E capite il nostro parlare di circostanza

Quando ci domandate gentilmente How do you do?

E noi sentiamo voi rispondere We’ re doing all right We’re doing fine We’re not alone

Sappiamo che non siamo soli.

Translated and adapted by Chee-Hann Wu

Performed by Chee-Hann Wu

中文版本由吳稚涵翻譯、改寫及演出。

Speak White

聽來很好聽當你 讀失樂園 及莎 亞詩裡那些 煽動地 尚 無名的 物

我們是 個沒有 化的種族 但我們不是沒有語 的天賦 以彌爾頓和拜倫和雪萊和濟慈的

Speak White

請原諒我們唯 的答覆

是我們祖先刺 的歌

及訥  的哀惜

Speak white

講ㄧ些有的沒的

講 憲章

講林肯的紀念碑

講泰晤 河的灰 浪漫

講波多 克河的粉紅 河

跟我們講你們的傳統

以 個群體來講我們不怎麼耀眼

但我們知道

鬆餅

跟波 頓茶葉黨的重要性

但當你真的

Speak white

但當你真的get down to brass tacks

來講gracious living 來講 活的standard 和The Great Society 更強烈的speak white 提 你 闆們的嗓 我們 朵有點聾 我們離機器太近

只聽到壓蓋 具敲擊聲中 我們呼吸的聲

Speak white and loud

所以我們才能聽到你 從聖亨利到聖多明哥 真是值得敬佩的語 來聘請

來命令 放 錶壓榨 作 死 暫停重頭開始 dollar重 了

Speak White

告訴我們God is a great big shot and that we’re paid to trust him Speak white 告訴我們 產利益和百分

Speak white

它是個豐富的語

可以買

但也可以賣

但也可以賣你的靈魂

但也可以出賣

啊!

Speak white

big deal但告訴你罷 天的永恆跟你說 個服侍的種族如何 存的故事 當我們晚上回家 當太陽掐滅每個背街 巷 告訴你,對,太陽下 了,對 每 天我們 活在你帝國的東邊 沒有什麼 的上髒話 或不乾淨的俗語

油

Speak white

你 詞 點 我們是會記仇的種族 但我們不批判別 有專有權可以 修正語

在莎 亞微婉的 語裡 以Lonfellow的 說 個純 兇暴的語 像在越南,在剛果 說流利的德 顆 的星星在你 間 說俄 ,說指令,說壓迫

speak white

它是世界共通語 我們誕 時就懂 催淚彈的字語 警棍的字語

Speak white

Tell us again about Freedom and Democracy 我們知道 由是 的字就如貧困是 的 就如 混塵在阿爾及利亞或 岩城的街

Speak white

從西敏寺到華盛頓轉 圈 speak white 像華爾街的 white 像在Watts be civilized 知道當我們說話時的處境 當你很有禮貌地問我們 How do you do 你聽到我們說

We’re doing all right We’re doing fine We are not alone

我們知道 我們不是孤獨的

Translated by Chee-Hann Wu, Eason Lee and Zoe Weng.

日本語版はイーソンとゾーイにより翻訳されました。出演は、呉 稚涵です。

Speak white

それはとても良 聞こえる あなた 失楽園について話すと そして優雅と匿名な 物 シェイクスピアのソネットに震える わたしたちは 化 な て どもり あっての民族なのです だけど我々は 語の天才に聞こえます ミルトンとバイロンとシェリーとキーツのアクセントで話せ

Speak white

そして 私たちの唯 な答えを許して 先祖の騒々しい歌であるネリガンの悲しみ

Speak white

あれやこれや話して

マグナ‧カルタについて教えて

またはリンカーン記念館

テムズ川の灰 の魅

ポトマックのピンクの

あなたの伝統について教えて

我々は本当に輝いていない として

し し物事を 分けられる

クランペットのすべての意義

またはボストン茶会事件

But when you really speak white When you get down to brass tacks Gracious livingについて話しようと Standard in life を話すそしてthe Great Society 少し強いで

Speak white

職 の声を上げて 聞 こと 少し難しい 私たちは機械に近づ す て る 器械より の呼吸の息 聞こえるだけ

Speak white and loud

私たちに聞こえるような サンアンリ らサンドマングへ そんなに 派な 語 雇うために

命令を与える

分  を死ぬ時間を設定する

更新するための休む

ドルを活気づける

Speak white

Tell us that God is a great big shotAnd that we’re paid to trust himSpeak white 産利益やパーセンテージについて教えて Speak whiteそれは豊 な 語で購買するためでも販売するため あなたの魂を販売するため でも売り切りのため

Ah! Speak white

Big dealし し 君に永遠なストライキを話します サーバントの 種 住んでいることに 話をする でも私たちは 度夜に帰宅するの 朝 裏通りの上に出てと し し 暮れていることを伝えるために 君の帝国の東に私たちの住んでいる 々 ここには悪い 葉と似合うことはありません 脂と油 付

Speak white

あなたの 葉のように注意して ださい 私たちは恨みを持っている種族だ だけと ここで 誰にも批判しなさい 語修正の独占を

持っていることの

シェイクスピアの柔ら い 語で ロングフェローのアクセントと 純粋で凶暴に のフランス語を話せ ベトナムなどのような コンゴなどのような 完璧なドイツ語を話せ君の歯の間に黄 い星 ロシア語を話す 命令を呼ぶ 抑圧な 葉を話す

Speak white

それは世界共通の 葉である

私たちはそれを理解するために まれた

その催涙ガスような 葉で

その警棒ような 葉で

Speak white

Tell us again about Freedom and Democracy ブラックなワードを 由には分 っている貧困と同様に そして アルジェ街中の塵埃と混合するだけのように リトルロックも

Speak white

ウェストミンスター らワシントンへ順番にそれを取る 彼らはウォール街でやるような い 語を話せ

ワッツでやるような さBe civilized 私たち 事情を話すと に理解します How do you do

問い合わせする時 あなた うの

We’re doing all right We’re doing fine We are not alone

私たちはではないことを知っている

Translation and adaption by Bahaa Harnouche

Performed by Makram Ayache and Bahaa Harnouche

شو حلو عم إسمعك

عم تيحكوا عن الجنة الضايعة

أو عن الشخصية المجهولة المرهفة

يلي عم ترجف بأبيات شعر شكسبير

نحنا شعب جاهل وبتأتإ

بس منا طرشان لعبقرية اللغة

إحكيني بلكنة (بلهجة) الرومي او أبو نواس زو ملتون

إحكيني أجنبي

و إعذرنا إذا ما جوبنا

إلا بشعارات  ثورة جدودنا

و بحة صوة جبران

إحكيني أجنبي

إحكي عن إشياء وغيرا

إحكيلنا عن الميثاق العظيم

أو نصب تمثال الشهداء

سحر اللون الرمادي لنهر التيمز

المياه وردي نهر الليطاني

إحكيلنا عن تقاليدكم

نحن شعب بلا مخ

بس سريعين بتقدير

أهمية الفطاير بالجبنة

أو إعتصامات ساحة الشهداء

وبس لما عنجد بتحكي أبيض

ولما تشيل المزح وتحط الجد

لماتحكي عن المعيشة الكريمة

والحديث عن مستوى الحياة

و المجتمع العظيم

أكثر شوي لما تحكي الأبيض

علّي صوتكم للملاحظين

نحن سماعنا تقيل شوي

نحن عايشين بالملاجىء

يادوب نسمع أنفاسنا تحت أصوات القذائف

إحكي أجنبي وبصوت عال

تنسمعك

من سانت هنري في سانتو دومينغو

إيهشو هاللغة الرائعة

للتوظيف

ولإعطاء الأوامر

لتعيين وقت الموت في العمل

و زخد البريك

لإنعاش و يضخ الدولار

إحكي أجنبي

خبرنا أن الله هل القصة الكبيرة

و عم نقبض تإنآمن في

إحكي الأبيض

وخبرنا عن إنتاج الأرباح والنسب المئوية

إحكي الأبيض

شو هاللغة الغنية

لشراء

لبيع نفسنا

بس للبيع نفسنا والتجارة بأرواحنا

لبيع نفسنا

ايه

إحكي أجنبي

ضربي كبيرة

بس تتقول

الخلود في يوم من الإضراب

أن أقول

للشعب الخدّام

بس لما نرجع عل البيت المساء

وقت الشمس عم تغيب وراء الشوارع

لتنقول إنو الشمس الحق نعم بتشرق نعم

كل يوم من أيام حياتنا من الشرق من إمبراطوريكم

ما في شيء آحسن من لغة شتايم و مسابيت

كلامنا مانو نظيفة كثير

موصخ بالشحوم والزيوت ودم ولادنا

إحكي أجنبي

وخود راحتك بكلماتك

نحن ما من لوم حدا

لإحتكارون

باللغة و لتصحيحون

بلغة شكسبير الحلوة

مع التركيز على لكنة Longfellow

إحكي باللغة الأجنبية الفرنسية النقية الفظيعة

مثل بفيتنام و الكونغو

إحكي بالألماني الرائع

مع نجمة صفراء بين الأسنانك

إحكي بالروسي لغة الأمر والقمع

إحكي الأجنبي الإجليزي الأبيض

لغة العالمية

لأنا خلقنا لنفهمها

بمسيل للدموع

بعصاية الضرب

إحكي أجنبي

وأوعظنا عن الحرية والديمقراطية

ونحن منعرف أن الحرية هو شعار المحتل

مثل الفقر رمز الزنجي

مثل الدم الممزوج مع غبار شوارع بمخيامات الفلسطنية وساحة ودردوريد(بالالجزائر أو ليتل روك)

إحكي أجنبي

من وستمنستر إلى واشنطن التي تتابع

إحكي بلغة ووول ستريت

أبيض مثل واتس

كون حضاري

وإفهم  ظروف ومغذ حديثنا

لمّا تسألنا بأدب

عن حالتنا

وتسمعنا عم نّرد عليكم

نحن بخير

نحن بخير

نحن

لسنا وحدنا

نحن نعرف

نحن لسنا وحدنا.